I know what some of the reactions to this post will be already. Let’s get them out of the way:
- No, I am not a bitter single guy. I am happily married and I love my wife a ton.
- I do like some holidays, just not this one.
- Okay, so I am a stick in the mud sometimes. It doesn’t make my point less valid.
- I am romantic. I just happen to be more spontaneous.
- Yes, I think flowers are a waste of money. Big deal. People spend their money on dumber things.
- I celebrate our anniversary because it is actually meaningful.
- No, I don’t want flowers for myself.
- No, I don’t have some deep issue involving a parent.
I don’t hate Valentine’s day but I do think it is a bogus holiday. No, I don’t think you’re a chump if you celebrate it with balloons and flowers and whispering sweet nothings into your lover’s ear. I do retain all rights to laugh a little bit about it behind your back though.
Here’s my problem: some people decide on celebrating it instead of doing other nice things for their special someone. So you rarely do nice things for your significant other instead of doing nice things when it matters. Like when they had a rough day at work. Or they got a promotion. Or for no reason at all.
Because that’s what Valentine’s day is: no reason at all. It has become cliche to make a big deal about Valentine’s day, hasn’t it? But at work, the number of flowers received is off the charts for one day (that would be TODAY). And the rest of the days? Blah, nothing. If your special someone really appreciates flowers, why don’t you do it on some day other than the day that everyone else is going to do it? Or if they would appreciate something else, why don’t you do that more often?
Of course, I have to relate this back to work somehow…
Sometimes, we treat our employees like the negligent spouse who thinks flowers, chocolates and a dinner out one day a year is good enough to keep the fire going. It isn’t. It is fool’s gold. If you are only giving positive feedback one or two times a year (at bonus time or yearly review time), it isn’t working. It is silly to think that it even would. And think about the reason for performance review time: totally arbitrary. Just like Valentine’s day. It doesn’t address the needs of your employees and it won’t address the needs of your spouse, partner…whatever.
If you are a good employer or spouse, performance review time and Valentine’s day should just be a formality. The other 364 days are going to dictate how things go in your relationship. Valentine’s day could be great but if you are distant and unavailable the rest of the time, you might as well have not bothered.
To be honest though, the connection to work is tenuous at best. I really just wanted to talk about Valentine’s day and how I think it is ridiculous.
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
Totally agree. We don’t do gifts, candy or flowers on Valentine’s Day. It’s so much cooler when it’s unexpected, not forced…and that goes for employees AND spouses/SOs.
I will say–in our first-ever Valentine’s Day event, my husband and I are taking the kids (ages 1 and 3) to a “Little Sweetheart Dance” tonight. It’s a fundraiser for a children’s museum we love. The 3-year-old is VERY excited about wearing her party dress, nail polish and sparkle pigtail holders. I’m excited about the dessert stations. My husband is excited about my promise that I would not make him dance. The 1-year-old can’t talk, but if he could, I think he’d say he’s excited about staying out past 7pm.
Loved your post! We’re of the same mind on this – in fact, I wrote an amazingly similar post last year.
Hope you’ll take a look when you have a minute and, if you do, I hope you enjoy mine as much as I enjoyed yours. (Here’s the link: http://tinyurl.com/7269fy)
Lance, I’m with you — totally ridiculous. I don’t need a holiday in February as a reason to receive jewelry as a gift. I should be getting jewelry year-round!!
I have a different perspective on Valentines day. I have to admit that I can agree with what is written here from an adult perspective, but when I contemplate it thinking of my youth, it is a different story.
I remember fondly exchanging valenties with the other kids at school and especially getting that special card and gift for that special someone. That special someone usually was admired from afar and Valentines day was the one safe day for a shy kid to express him or herself.
Then there is the other perspective on the whole Valentine’s Day question:
In response to attacks by the right-wing group Sri Ram Sena on Indian women out in public, the Pink Chaddi Campaign is organizing women around India (and around the globe) to send the Sri Ram Sena their chaddis (underwear). Mail your panties to:
Pramod Muthali, Sri Rama Sene Office # 11, Behind new bus stand, Gokhul road, Lakshmi park, Hubli – Karnataka
And on Valentine’s Day, February 14th, women around the world will show solidarity with women in India by going out to a pub and raising a glass to the Sri Ram Sena.
I’ll be toasting, and so should you. Be sure to take a picture and send it to the Pink Chaddi Campaign.
You can also join their facebook group here.
This week Lance blogged against Valentine’s day,
and denied being a bitter lump of clay;
He claimed his points were valid,
and really just sang like a ballad;
and at the end he somehow linked it to pay.
I agree!!!!!! We get all worked up over one day then go back to the usual treatment.
“Actions speak louder than words.”
We all know if we get treated badly most of the time there is a problem and one day of sweetness isn’t going to make up for it. We need to look at the big picture and see the relationship for what it really is.
@Kerry – That sounds like it was a lot of fun!
@Debra – Like the post. You’re right, very similar.
@Laurie – I agree. Someone needs to buy you stuff all of the time.
@Chuck – Thanks. I think you might have a point about the kiddos. Built in excuses help for kids.
@Michael – While I agree that’s a good cause, they are simply co-opting the holiday for their cause. I don’t think it takes away from my point.
@HRFan – Thanks for the limerick!
@Karl – I agree. Actions are always going to be more important than anything else.
Amen! My husband doesn’t like being forced into a Hallmark holiday and I have told him he is off the hook for all eternity. I know he loves me. He shows it by doing things like going to Wal-Mart at midnight to get and install a new battery for the car so I can go to the gym in the morning. I’d rather have that than a card and flowers any day!
{ 1 trackback }